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"You are as sick as your secrets" is a well known phrase in recovery groups. The secrets and lies of abuse, addiction, affairs, chemical dependency, codependency (you fill in the blank)...the secrets we keep can make us sick. They keep us stuck and sick in body, mind and spirit.

I love the line from the movie "Where The Heart Is" when Novolee asked Billy Jack why he lied. He replied, “Why does anyone lie? ‘Cause we're scared? Or crazy? Or just mean? There's a million reasons why a person lies, but sometimes, you tell a lie so big that it changes your whole life.”

There are all kinds of secrets. There are secrets we tell ourselves to deny our destructive behaviors. There are the secrets we keep so we do not hurt someone's feelings. Then, there's the "FAMILY SECRET." Only you know what that is. There's secrets we keep for others because it is just not our story to tell.

Often when one wants to come clean, it can become just as destructive. Sometimes we tell the truth to absolve ourselves while destroying someone. Sometimes we have to "suck it up!", make living amends and make sure it doesn't happen again. Or for example, do you really want to tell someone, "you know you really got fat over the pandemic" Yeah, a coworker told me that. He should have kept that to himself. You get the idea.

Secrets and lies can be dispelled by bringing them out into the light with a safe trusted friend, counselor, coach, doctor, recovery sponsor, your pastor, priest or rabbi. Opening up in a non judgmental and safe environment is the first step to letting our outsides match our insides. It is the beginning of living transparently and authetically.

Your coach here, I practice what I preach here. I have a therapist and a handful of friends I tell the truth to. Often times what I think is the biggest secret about myself, they say, "yeah me too!"

I encourage you to get with someone you trust. Start unpacking your bags. Healing and freedom await you on the other side.

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